My Ya-Ya!

In the past I have been grateful for friends, family, life, good books, my favorite TV shows, etc.

Today I am grateful for SO MUCH MORE!

I am regaining the things that I had lost...FAMILY, FRIENDS, a relationship with my beautiful daughter which is not (as I had feared) that much different than what it used to be.

My Ex (Nadia's Father) offered me last week to take my beautiful Ya-Ya for some time during her spring break!  My "inner circle" knows how rare and unexpected this request was.  I relished in my time with her...laughing, joking, and snuggling.  Our relationship (much to my surprise) has not suffered in time spent apart.

This week, he had to go out of town.  He offered me FIRST opportunity to spend that time with her. Getting her off to school and popping over for lunch at her school was common place to me - 3 years ago.

Now I get to do it again!

She introduced me to friends and her teacher.  We laughed and giggled on the playground about "Mrs. Polar Bear" the "mean lady" on the playground who relishes in scolding the children for things that are COMMON PLACE!  For swinging "the wrong way!"  I kicked the soccer ball and played hopscotch!  It filled my heart with a magical fullness.

My girl and I.

We share the same spirit.

 I am forever grateful to God for giving me back my life.  Grateful for showing me what REALLY matters.  For loving me and MY GIRL enough to let us have a future and a relationship built on LOVE, TRUST, and a COMMON LOVE for LIFE!

I heard over and over again these past two days "Nadia is SO NICE, she is nice to EVERYONE."  and  " She is kind and loving and giving to all."

I know I must have done SOMETHING right those years before my addiction took hold.  I see it in her eyes and in her HEART.

I love you beautiful girl....Nadia Astrid Moss, you are my EVERYTHING!

In the words I used o sing to her as a babe....

" I love my Nadia
She's a good girl
I love my Nadia
She's my WHOLE WORLD!"

I love you MORE THAN BREATHIN' beautiful girl!

xoxo
Mama

A Purpose...

     All my life I have had this feeling, deep inside my soul, that I was destined for something more.  Like I was put here on earth to do something meaningful.  I want(ed) to help people - to make a difference.  In my childhood and all through my teenage years I bounced ideas around about what to be when I "grew up".  A lawyer, a teacher, a nurse..etc. I wanted to do something meaningful.  As I grew older I leaned more towards being a teacher.  I wanted to be Michelle Pfeiffer's character in Dangerous Minds or Hillary Swank in Freedom Writers.  To be one of THOSE teachers who make a difference in the lives of the children they taught.  That dream seem to fade when I dropped out of college before the end of the first semester and I lost my way. Then, as they say, life happened.  I made numerous choices that led me away from my dreams.  Now, I am finding them again, which begs for me to use that good 'ol line from one of my favorite Gospel Hymns... "I once was lost, but now am found!"

     Hello,  My name is Stacey, and I am an Addict!

     Anyone who knew me 5+ years ago would tell you that those were words that they could never imagine would ever come from my lips.  If you would have foretold my future as my recent past, I would have told you you were crazy!  But it's true.  I became addicted to prescription pain killers after a serious neck injury in 2005 and my life began to slowly and methodically unravel.  I've lost everything!  Relationships over, material possessions gone, thousands of dollars spent, and custody of my daughter ripped away.  My life ruined. And in May of this year, my life nearly ended with an overdose,  Thanks to a few family members, my probation officer, and  to a very special therapist who believed in me and thought I deserved not only my old life back, but a better one, I was able to get help and that help saved my life!

     Now, more than ever, I want to "make a difference".  Only now I know how I can do that!    I have come to believe that ALL of the horrible things that have happened in recent years, happened for a reason.  I needed to go through hell to prove that it could be done!  I hit SEVERAL  "Rock Bottoms" before I was able to get the help I so desperately needed and wanted.  My dream now is to help others who are going through this horrific disease.  I want to be there for others just like SO many were for me.  I want to speak out about my pain of addiction and my road to sobriety!

     Through my time at Rehab, (The Villa Sucess' in Prairie Du Chien, WI)  with the help of the amazing counselors, my "family" of other patients I shared my time with there, the support of members of my real family, and my new friends in AA & NA, I came to know and believe wholeheartedly that I was WORTH sobriety and my life was WORTH being saved!  Now I want/need to share that knowledge with other addicts seeking the life of recovery they so deserve!

As Step 12 says in the 12 Step Program,  "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
That is now my purpose.